Tag Archives: one-liners

She’s Got A Million Of ‘Em

I thought the Page-a-day calendar idea may have been a stretch, but as I log more of Max’s one-liners, I think my friend Karyn may have really been on to something.

“Uncle Bubba is a cool police officer.  I want to go to work with him on Bring Your Uncle’s Grandkids To Work Day.”

“I wonder what Isaac will look like when he’s older. Probably a smart phone can figure that out.”   Is there an app for that?

“Isaac, today is movie day! We are going to see Ice Age: Cotton Little Drift!”
“Mom you almost dropped my bag from the dentist and I almost dropped my juice box. You should so post that.” (Going to be screening future posts for mundane-ness. Thanks, Max.)
Max: “You know Ohio where they speak that Ohio language?” Gracie: “She’s watching Lilo and Stitch. I’m pretty sure she means Hawaii. “
“Talking is really easy…unless you’re a skeleton. “
“It would be weird if you were allergic to your favorite song.”
“I don’t understand why birds poop on cars. They can hold it til they get home!”
“Mom, where’s my water bottle? I wanna start hibernating.”
Max, as she scrubbed her ears and played air guitar to a Foreigner song in the tub: ” When Isaac took off and I had to catch him, I was sweating like slime on a snail’s butt.”
The justice system as seen by Max : “People keep getting arrested on purpose. The police are arresting them on PURPOSE!”
“Driving a car looks easy but its not. You have to try really hard not to get lost and have to live on the side of the road.”
“Mom, I have a little bit gooder memory than you, except when it goes to fast mode. “
“The sun and the moon are connected to each other and they are both connected to the countries. What’s the planet that rhymes with Saturday?” Saturn. “What’s the hottest planet on Earth?” The hottest planet is Mercury. “That’s right, Murmmering.”
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One Liners

It has been requested of me that I make a “Quote-A-Day” calendar of Max’s recent one liners and quotes.  Mind you, these are just candid observations, in her oh-so-Max fashion.  Here’s a few that have inspired the calendar idea:

“I don’t really want a job when I grow up, I just want an opportunity. Like riding a horse out into the West. That’s what I wish to do.”

“I just found a nerd on the floor. The sweet kind, not like ‘You’re a nerd, bro.'”

“Mom, can I not wear flip flops for a while? I’m getting a red line between my thumb toe and my pointer toe.”

Max, pointing at my dinner plate: ” Mom, that’s meat!” Me: “That’s fish. I can eat fish.” Max: “Sorry, Mom, didn’t mean to call your fish names. ”

Max: “Why were you late getting me?” Me: ” I had a meeting. ” Max: “Is a meeting just a bunch of people sitting by papers?”

Max: “Mom, are you 50?” Me: “No, I’m 36.” Max: “Wow, that’s… ” Daddy: “Careful, Beth! ”

Max sassing big brother Cam: “You can call me a doofus all you want, I don’t care! I know my mom calls me Bethany! ”

A la military march song: “I dont know what I’ve been told, I dont know what I’ve been told, I dont know what I’ve been toooooold, but everybody else knows.”

“Usually girls like jazz, but I like ROCK AND ROLL!!!! ”

“I want to be a police officer. My friend Simon does too. He can be on my team, but I’m going to be the boss.”

Max on the fact that even police officers can get arrested: “How can the cops ever get arrested??  I mean, they are the bossiest people EVER!”

Me: “This way, Beth. That’s not our car, but it looks like it. We have a Ford Explorer. That’s a Chevy Tahoe. ” Max : “That’s a weird name for a car. A Shovey Taco. ”

Max:  “You have to dress me cute for our tea party today.”  Me: “This is a very cute outfit.”  Max: “I was thinking more like a teacup.”

Max: “What was that you gave me a drink of? ” Me : ” Passionfruit mango green tea. ” Max : ” Fashion dip Bacos green tea? It was good. “