Tag Archives: mom

Aside

Max loves animals.  All animals.  A couple of years ago she was very excited to hear that a coworker and her family owned a dairy farm.  She asked a bazillion questions about it that this city slicker mom had few … Continue reading

She’s Got A Million Of ‘Em

I thought the Page-a-day calendar idea may have been a stretch, but as I log more of Max’s one-liners, I think my friend Karyn may have really been on to something.

“Uncle Bubba is a cool police officer.  I want to go to work with him on Bring Your Uncle’s Grandkids To Work Day.”

“I wonder what Isaac will look like when he’s older. Probably a smart phone can figure that out.”   Is there an app for that?

“Isaac, today is movie day! We are going to see Ice Age: Cotton Little Drift!”
“Mom you almost dropped my bag from the dentist and I almost dropped my juice box. You should so post that.” (Going to be screening future posts for mundane-ness. Thanks, Max.)
Max: “You know Ohio where they speak that Ohio language?” Gracie: “She’s watching Lilo and Stitch. I’m pretty sure she means Hawaii. “
“Talking is really easy…unless you’re a skeleton. “
“It would be weird if you were allergic to your favorite song.”
“I don’t understand why birds poop on cars. They can hold it til they get home!”
“Mom, where’s my water bottle? I wanna start hibernating.”
Max, as she scrubbed her ears and played air guitar to a Foreigner song in the tub: ” When Isaac took off and I had to catch him, I was sweating like slime on a snail’s butt.”
The justice system as seen by Max : “People keep getting arrested on purpose. The police are arresting them on PURPOSE!”
“Driving a car looks easy but its not. You have to try really hard not to get lost and have to live on the side of the road.”
“Mom, I have a little bit gooder memory than you, except when it goes to fast mode. “
“The sun and the moon are connected to each other and they are both connected to the countries. What’s the planet that rhymes with Saturday?” Saturn. “What’s the hottest planet on Earth?” The hottest planet is Mercury. “That’s right, Murmmering.”

Little Squirt

As we all know by now, bathing Max is an adventure.  She has now added a pool squirt toy to her arsenal of aquatic mayhem.  She targets wall tiles, the faucet, and occasionally, me.

I had managed to scrub her and her hair clean with the no tears kids wash.  Time to condition.  “Keep your head back, Bethany.  This is grown-up conditioner.  You don’t want it in your eyes,” I advised.

I let her keep squirting bath tiles as I combed it through her tangled locks.  After quite a bit of wrangling a squirmy slippery kid, I managed to get it all rinsed out without incident to her eyes.  Until…

I let her play for a second while I got her towel, at which point she decided to load up her squirt toy one last time.  This time she aimed right for her face and let fly with it.  “OW!  MY EYE!” she yelped grabbing for the towel.

“Honey, I told you that was grown up conditioner.  You shouldn’t have squirted yourself in the eye with that water.”

“I didn’t!” Max protested.  “I squirted it at my face, but then the water went in that crack I keep my eyeball in!”

Happens To The Best Of Us

As we walked out of the gas station restroom, Max remarked, “I wish I could see the inside of my body.”

“Yuck,” I answered.  “Why would you want to do that?”

“Because I didn’t get to see it when I was made!” she answered simply.

I could have let it go at that, but I know Max well enough to know to keep pressing the point.  “Well, what did you see when you were made?”

“Not much.  Just God,” she shrugged.

Oh, is that all?  “And how was God doing when you saw Him last?  Was He doing alright?” I asked.

She shook her head thoughtfully.   “No.  He was making someone else and He didn’t know where all the right parts went.  He was having a bad day.”

Happens to the best of us.

What I Meant Was…

Max loves to be stretched.  She will plop her little legs on my lap and tell me, “Stretch my feet, Mommy.” or “Pull on my toes!”  It’s great for her from a sensory standpoint, too.

She laid herself out on her back on the couch and stuck her legs in my lap. “Stretch!” she said happily.  I pulled on one leg and then the other.

As I pulled, she sighed, closed her eyes, and said, “Ahhhhhh, that feels allergic to me.”

 

Tub Tunes

Bathing Max is not unlike bathing a hundred pound puppy.  I’m not sure I could get any wetter if I was actually in the tub with her.

After letting her play, and completely soak me and most of the bathroom, I decided it was about time she got out.  As I dried her off, I began to sing her instructions to the tune of her favorite O Solo Mio.

“O solo mio…oh so do you…let’s dry your hair or… you’ll catch the flu…”

Max rolled her eyes.  “Great, now there’s a singing mom in my house!”

Happy New Year. Fancy An Italian Aria?

Max is a huge fan of New Year’s.  She relishes telling people “Happy New Year!”  As she sat in the front of the cart at Walmart, she was like the queen of the Rose Parade.  She waved at the shoppers and wished each of them a Happy New Year.  Most did a double take, then smiled and wished her the same.

We neared the end of our trip and Max was still feeling festive.  She wished each person on the aisle a Happy New Year individually.  Each replied in kind.  Then, just as there was a lull, she belts out:

“OH SOLO MIO”

in perfect pitch from the seat of the cart.

There were at least six cases of whiplash in the bread and frozen pizza aisle.  Heads whirled around and jaws dropped.

Well, it wasn’t Auld Lang Sine but it certainly made an impression.