Tag Archives: bath

Little Squirt

As we all know by now, bathing Max is an adventure.  She has now added a pool squirt toy to her arsenal of aquatic mayhem.  She targets wall tiles, the faucet, and occasionally, me.

I had managed to scrub her and her hair clean with the no tears kids wash.  Time to condition.  “Keep your head back, Bethany.  This is grown-up conditioner.  You don’t want it in your eyes,” I advised.

I let her keep squirting bath tiles as I combed it through her tangled locks.  After quite a bit of wrangling a squirmy slippery kid, I managed to get it all rinsed out without incident to her eyes.  Until…

I let her play for a second while I got her towel, at which point she decided to load up her squirt toy one last time.  This time she aimed right for her face and let fly with it.  “OW!  MY EYE!” she yelped grabbing for the towel.

“Honey, I told you that was grown up conditioner.  You shouldn’t have squirted yourself in the eye with that water.”

“I didn’t!” Max protested.  “I squirted it at my face, but then the water went in that crack I keep my eyeball in!”

Not-So-Silly Putty

sily puttyIt should be listed among the rites of passage in childhood.  Getting Silly Putty in your hair.  Most children fall asleep with it in the bed and wind up with their hair matted in the stuff.  Not Max.  Max just thought it would look lovely in her long dark locks, so she carefully placed three blobs of it exactly where she wanted it.

Now, knowing Max, I did not purchase the Silly Putty.  He sister had apparently got it from school and Max inevitably found her hiding place.

My husband is much better at getting her hair washed.  Being 6’4″, he has the height and wing span that makes bathing a squirmy toddler easier than my 5’0″ frame.  So, the job of Putty removal was given to him.  I looked online for possible removal techniques and left him in the bathroom supplied with a variety of remedies from nail polish remover to baby oil.

One hour, three tub-fulls of water, half a bottle of baby oil, a third of a bottle of nail polish remover, and  four shampoos later, Max emerges from the bathroom wrapped in a towel.  Shortly, Daddy walks into the living room, drenched.  “I never want to see Silly Putty again.”

The next day, after her hair was completely dry, I realized that it was still full of baby oil.  “Come on, you little grease ball.  Let’s go wash your hair,” I tell her.  She follows me into the bathroom and we get started.

On the third shampoo, she stands up in the tub and says,” No more washing, Mommy.  I want to be a grease ball!”

The Best Laid Plans

toothbrushIt had been a great day for Max at my mom’s house.  You know a kid has had a great day by the thickness of the layer of dirt on them.  Even the best of days must come to an end.  Mom and I got ready to give Max a bath.  This was going to be a two person job getting off the dirt, grime, and ice cream sticky.

We finally got Max clean and out of the bath.  There was a distinct ring forming around the tub as the murky water drained out.  I had forgotten to bring her pjs into the bathroom, so I went to get them while Mom got her dried off.

After a bath, Max enjoys a few minutes of “fancy free” time.  There she was,  long dark curls dripping wet and her tall skinny nudie toddler bod peering over the bathroom counter trying to see her face in the mirror.  She spotted Mom’s toothbrush.  That kid loves brushing her teeth.

“Can I brush my teeth, Baby?” she asks my mom.

“No, Beth.  That’s my toothbrush.  Wait til you get home.”

“But I want to.  Can I brush dem?”

“That’s not yours.   You can brush them at your house.”

This went on for a while.

“Can I brush my teeth?”

“No.”

“Please, Baby?”

“No, sweetie.  Later.” my mom insists as she picks up the filthy 3T clothes and towels.

Mom kept tidying the bathroom and Beth seemed to have moved on.  Or did she?

Well, with or without Baby’s help, that girl was determined to brush her teeth. “I brush my teeth.”   She had a plan.  She picked up the toothbrush and the toothpaste.  Hmmm.  Now how to unscrew the top one handed?  Ah ha.  Got it.

She shoved the toothbrush between her little naked legs to hold it while she opened the toothpaste to put on it.  Good plan.  Except, that once she opened the tube and went to put toothpaste on the brush, the brush had vanished.  With legs tight together, toothpaste in one hand, cap in the other, the little nudie spun round and round looking for the missing brush.  Where did it go?  It was right there a minute ago.  Well, it had seemed like a good plan.

That was the scene when Mom and I noticed her.  But we could see what Max couldn’t:  the long white stick of the toothbrush sticking straight out of her backside.  Mom squealed “Eeeww” and yanked the toothbrush out of her patootie and tossed it.  I was no help at all standing there laughing at them both.  Mom was grossed out and Max was confused.

Needless to say, we brushed her teeth when she got home and mom was glad she had her electric patootie-free toothbrush to use instead.